8 Lessons You Can Learn From Family Arguments
- Ilene Adams
- Nov 21, 2017
- 3 min read
We are about to enter the holiday season where our homes might be overflowing with relatives from far and near…added on top of the already stressful holidays, this can be a recipe for disaster. Family arguments can leave you angry and uncomfortable. You might not be able to avoid them, but you can learn to lessen their negative effects and find effective solutions. They can also be valuable learning opportunities.
Consider these skills and lessons you can learn from family arguments:
Listen. It’s so easy to lose control and let your feelings take over during an argument. However, when you listen to one another and truly hear their concerns, then you can address them better. This will help you find a solution that works for everyone involved.
Mange your anger. Feeling anger as some time in our lives is natural – we’re only human. Arguments provide an opportunity to learn how to effectively control this emotion and teach your children the value of this control.
Be Specific. Vague comments or ideas rarely produce the positive results you seek, but when you describe specific actions or words that upset you, those challenges can be addressed. “You never do anything around the house” can be replaced with “I have asked you 4 times to take out the trash”. “You’re always shopping!” could become “You spent $150 at the mall the other day, when I told you that money was tight this month.”
Focus on one issue. It’s tempting to bring up all of your issues and concerns during family arguments. However, this can lead to more issues instead of helping. Focusing on one issue at a time gives you a chance to solve that one problem. Then, if you need to, you can move on to another problem. For instance, if you’re arguing over cleaning the kitchen after Thanksgiving dinner – it’s not the right time to bring up the fact that 3 months ago he went out with the guys after work and didn’t call you…
Express your views. Communication is essential to solving issues, and you have to talk to make it work. If you tend to be silent and hold your feelings or thoughts inside, then family arguments may encourage you to talk and discuss them with others. As obvious as something might seem to you, it might not be to others. Most people are not mind readers. Communicate!
Learn the truth about winning. Sometimes in family arguments, there might not be a clear winner. Family arguments can show you that on some occasions you lose, and on others you win. They can also show you that winning doesn’t always accomplish everything you want…I have a saying that I stole from someone, I just don’t know who…”Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”
Use evidence. Accusations or ideas that aren’t based on facts can lead to tremendous challenges. Instead of fighting about an idea, you can present real evidence and stop the arguments. Solutions come faster and easier when based on facts and evidence…
Compromise. Family arguments can also teach you more about compromises. When you find a solution together, some people may need to compromise on what they want, but the solution is still more workable than the argument that came before it. The whole family benefits when we compromise.
It’s not always easy to avoid family arguments. However, you can learn from them and grow as a family. These lessons are valuable tools. They can also help you and your family members in school, business and other areas of life.
Now, go get your turkey on! Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Until next time,
xo Jamie Lee xo
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